


Unlucky

by strollamongthestars



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Dragon Age II - Act 1, Dragon Age II Quest - The Deep Roads Expedition, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hawke & Varric Tethras Friendship, Varric Tethras is a Good Friend, grey warden!carver - Freeform, leandra hawke negative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 11:39:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strollamongthestars/pseuds/strollamongthestars
Summary: Hawke muses about her horrible luck when it comes to holding on to those she loves.





	Unlucky

It was unlucky to lose one sibling to the Blight. Bethany was the best of them and they both knew it. Carver lost all his patience (what little he had) and all his softness when his twin was crushed by an ogre. Their mother blamed the oldest Hawke sibling for it and she made no secret of that. Not when she cradled her broken daughter’s body in her arms and not in the years after.

            “You stupid girl!” Leandra had screamed, wailed really, as she clung to her daughter’s broken body. “It should have been you!”

Surprisingly it was Aveline, wife to a Templar and stranger to them all, who came to Hawke’s defense that day. Not her brother.

            “Take hold of yourself woman.” Aveline advised her in harsh tones, her shock at Leandra’s behavior evident even as she kneeled beside her own dying loved one. It was a kindness that Hawke would never forget. “Before you say something you regret.”

But it was already said, the damage was done in one passionate, grief filled accusation was a truth that could never be taken back. Her mother wished she was dead.

Hawke let her head fall back and rest against the cave wall. Losing Carver in the Deep Roads was careless. So, what, he was a Grey Warden now? He was still dead. Poison running in his blood that would drive him insane before it finished him off. A slow death of thirty years condemned to a thankless duty. No wife, no children. Hardly the life he once admitted to wanting.

Two siblings lost to the Blight, now that was just carelessness.

            “How is she?” Hawke heard Anders ask Varric in a hushed voice. The mage had certainly proved his worth since Varric’s brother had locked them in the lost thaig. He had successfully guided them past several groups of darkspawn before they had been ambushed.

            “I’ll let you answer that one for yourself, Blondie.” Varric responded tersely. The dwarf hated being underground as much as the rest of them, but his stone sense was the only thing guiding them now that they had left the Grey Wardens behind them. Despite his protests, Varric was a dwarf through and through.  

            “I did what I could.” Anders whispered fiercely. “At least he’ll live. You have no idea what revealing myself to those wardens has cost me.”

            “No, I only know what it has cost Hawke.”

Mosey, Hawke’s mabari, nosed her mistress’s half open hand with her nose and whined.

Hawke started, blinking her tired eyes rapidly to clear them. “I’m up girl, I’m up.” She had been up for the whole hour that they had stopped to rest, merely staring blankly into the darkness of the deep roads. It was so easy to be lost in your grief here in the dark.

She looked at the two men, both hunched into their coats, their faces hollow, like corpses in the light of Anders’ dim mage light.

            “If you have enough energy to bicker than you have enough energy to walk.”

            “Are you sure you are ready to move?” It was Anders, his brow creased in concern. “We should wait at least another hour for the healing potion to be useful.”

            “I’m sure that I want out of these roads, yes.” Hawke hoisted herself up, Mosey was happy to act as leverage. Hawke masked the flare of pain in her side with a wry grin. “I’m also reasonably sure that if we stay put another hour, healer, then the healing potion won’t matter at all.

            “She’s right.” Varric chimed in, “We should keep moving. The path the Grey Wardens left for us won’t be clear for long.”

It was clear that Anders was warring between his role as a healer and his own desire to press on and escape the Deep Roads. He sighed and nodded, the desire to flee winning out over his healer’s instincts.

            “Good.” Hawke grabbed her staff, placing some of the weight from her injured side onto it. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

~~~

The sight of Kirkwall’s Lowtown flooded Hawke’s heart with hope and dread. On the one hand, they had survived. On the other hand, her mother was there waiting for news of her children’s safe return that would never arrive. Carver was gone and Leandra was certainly not going to take his loss well.

            “I know you want to see your family, Hawke.” Anders spoke gingerly, the guilt he felt over Carver clear in his face. “But your wound needs proper tending.”

Hawke sighed, ruffling her dirty hair, and looked out at the city sprawling out before them. It was exhausting. Didn’t he find all of this exhausting? How much guilt could one person claim as theirs? Not like she was one to talk.

            “I need to tell my mother.”

            “I understand, but after….?”

            “Fine.” Hawke said and that was the end of it.

They completed the final leg of their journey in silence.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I can't remember if I ever posted this anywhere. I'm cleaning out my WIP folders and dumping them here. Enjoy the angst!


End file.
